Contrast: Xterra West Champs and Wildflower

Ups and downs are certainly a common theme for triathletes, and the last few weeks have been no exception for me. From having one of my best ever Xterra performances in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago to turning in my first ever DNF Saturday at Wildflower Long Course, it’s been a roller coaster, both mentally and physically. But as always, it’s been a ride worth taking, and a ride with a purpose.

The sting and disappointment from my DNF are still fresh, while the exhilaration of a great race at Xterra West Championships has long since faded. But both emotions, and both experiences, have their own importance in the context of my season and my growth as a triathlete. They have equal weight, despite very different outcomes. Both are experiences that have made distinct marks on my course as an athlete, and both will help me continue to improve in 2013, and beyond.

Driving Through Death Valley After Vegas

Xterra West Championships, Las Vegas

On April 14th I raced my second Xterra West Championship in Vegas, and it was in so many ways a different experience from my first, in 2012. Overall, it was much more challenging. Between a later race start, MUCH warmer temperatures, some gnarly wind and a super dry, loose and slightly eroded course, it was one tough day out there. Competitors across the field seemed to find significant challenge in this year’s race, and overall race times were slower than the previous year. Nonetheless, things really came together for me and I was able to rise to the challenge, keep pushing hard and turn in what I would consider a ‘breakout’ performance for myself in the Xterra field, placing 4th overall amateur, just a few minutes off the podium, and winning my age group to secure my Xterra World Championship slot. Pro field included, I finished 12th overall female on the day; a result I was extremely proud of.

Lake Las Vegas View from bike course

I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect on this day, as it was still so early in the season and conditions were particularly challenging for me at the time. I personally enjoyed the cooler temps here in 2012, and after just having left winter, heat is not an easy thing to battle. Likewise, I was admittedly intimidated by the bike course, and the fact that I took two hard crashes in my pre-ride the day before the race did not help! Described as “riding on the moon,” this course is not ‘conventionally technical,’ but includes many elements that for me are really tough because they’re so different than what I’m used to. This year, those elements were amplified, as the course was much drier and looser than 2012, with some funky erosion from earlier rainstorms. The same steep climbs and long descents were included. And, just to add to the mix, the wind kicked up VERY strong shortly before the start and remained a strong force throughout the race.

I tried not to worry about any of this, reminding myself conditions are the same for everyone, and just focusing on what I needed to do personally to have a good race. Although this was the only World Championship qualifier on my 2013 schedule, I was surprisingly relaxed and confident heading into the race. I knew what I needed to do, and that my best was all I could give. I hit the start line ready and excited, dismissing any apprehension I had about the bike course.

I had a strong swim, finding a good rhythm, sighting well and even doing some decent drafting here and there, a rarity for me. I got out of the water in 25:26, about a minute slower than last year, but with the wind I thought this was a good swim for me. More importantly, I hadn’t lost too much time to the top amateurs and was within striking distance of several women right in front.

The bike did prove to be quite a challenge, as the wind was literally moving my bike sideways, particularly on the ridge tops. No doubt it was the same for everyone else. But I focused on maintaining an efficient peddle stroke, putting down lots of power, and really trying to hammer the tops of the climbs. I felt strong, and was riding great for me. I made up several spots fairly quickly on the first lap, and when a couple of the fastest-riding amateurs passed me, I pushed hard to keep them in sight and pick up my pace. I was pretty conservative on the downhills, fearing a crash after my pre-ride falls and not wanting to take any big risks knowing I was sitting in a great spot, feeling strong and having a really good race. I lost some time here, but seemed to be making up for it quite a bit on the climbs. After passing a few more ladies on lap two, I came off the bike 5th place amateur with a ride time of 1:43:21, and was confident I could make some moves on the run.

This is a tough run on any day, but with the heat it felt brutal. I tried to stay light on my feet on the climbs and then really stride it out on the flats and downhills, where my strength is. I felt good overall, but could tell my strength had deteriorated since the bike, and the pain was definitely setting in by halfway. I knew it wasn’t getting any easier with some really steep climbs remaining and the heat rising, so I forced myself to really dig deep and keep pushing through. I’d moved up one spot to 4th by the time we hit the steepest hill on the course (hands-on-knees scurrying steep for me), and was told 3rd was just up ahead, but within moments Elizabeth Gruber, an incredible runner who ended up with the second fastest female run split on the day, sped past me. Intent on making up the place I’d lost, I was able to push over the top and make another pass to move back up to 4th.

Elizabeth was quickly moving up the field, and I was next told I was about two minutes down to 3rd place (Meghan Sheridan). I was doing everything I could to make up the gap, but I just didn’t have the energy to get there. By the last mile, which is almost all downhill where I can usually put in a big acceleration, my legs were shaky and I was feeling weak and worn down. Navigating the downhill in such a tired state was a bit tricky, and not nearly as fast I’d hoped. I was SO ready to get to that finish line, and so happy when I made it! I finished with a 54:26 run, and a total time of 3:03:13. I knew I had really left it all out there, and was so grateful to have had one of those rare days when things come together and you’re able to dig deeper than you thought possible and exceed your own expectations. Overall, LUNA had an amazing day, with Suzie, Shonny and Danelle taking 2, 3 and 5 respectively in the pro field, and Hannah Rae placing 1st amateur (6th overall) and me 4th amateur (12th overall). Way to go LUNA ladies!

Happy gals!

For me personally, this was my best result to date at an Xterra Regional Championship, and I think it gave me a new perspective as to what I am really capable of. I have new confidence about how I can perform at bigger, more competitive races, and am encouraged to set my sights higher for future Xterra races, which I am so excited for! The experiences are starting to add up, and I am making some big progress. I can’t wait to hit the dirt again in June!

Wildflower Long Course

For now, however, it’s back to the road, as I ramp things up in preparation for Ironman Coeur d’Alene on June 23. One key step in that process was the Wildflower Long Course (70.3) race this past weekend. I did this race last year and had what I thought was a colossal meltdown on the run after not eating near enough on the bike leg. Fortunately I was able to pull myself out of that hole, get myself running again and hang on for a 4th place AG finish. More importantly, I learned a huge lesson about not letting myself get behind on nutrition in a long race. But this year, the term colossal meltdown took on a whole new meaning for me, and I ended up in a hole that there was NO coming out of, despite staying on top of my nutrition game.

As I’m sure most who are familiar with it would agree, the Wildflower course is SERIOUSLY tough. But Saturday took tough to a whole new level. (As in, sanity-questioning, temporarily-hating-triathlon kind of level). I know it was a brutal day for many. But my own personal struggle was one like I have never experienced before, and one that, for the first time in my life, left me unable to finish the race. This is a reality I am still coming to grips with, but slowly beginning to embrace now that a couple days have passed.

Saturday’s race started off great. I approached this event primarily as a key training race for IMCDA, so I didn’t put a ton of pressure on myself in terms of results, and was much more focused on what I wanted to get out of it. However, once I got out there, things were going exceptionally well, I felt great, and I really became optimistic that I could in fact turn in a very strong result. I had a decent swim, coming out of the water in 33:29 for the 1.2 miles, and moved into the bike determined, focus and ready to start closing the gap to the leaders. Once on the bike, I felt fantastic and began to make up time quickly. I felt strong, I was pedaling smooth, and the turnover was there. This was shaping up to have all the makings of an amazing day! By about mile 34 of the 56-mile bike, I had moved up from 16th to 3rd place in my wave, which included all women age 29 & under and age 50-plus. I had been passed by only one woman in the 30-34 age group that started behind us, as opposed to being passed by several of these speedsters at the same point last year.

Remembering my mistakes from 2012, I was diligent about staying ahead with my nutrition, and was pretty much forcing down food throughout the bike because it was hard to want to eat between the difficulty of the course and the heat. But I was determined not to end up in a calorie deficit! “Nasty Grade” (a serious beast of a climb that comes after the 40-mile mark) felt extremely tough, but I got to the top without totally blowing a gasket, as I did last year. With about 10 miles left on the bike, I felt strong, confident and really in control. I was sure I’d done everything I could to set myself up for a successful run, and was super excited about the way the day was turning out for me. I finished hard, turning in a sub-3 hour bike leg (2:56:39), and entered the run still sitting top-five overall in the amateur field, based on the ladies that had come through.

I was very focused on staying patient and starting the run conservatively. I knew I still had a lot of race ahead of me, and at nearly 1:00 pm, the temps were rising big time. Combined with the fact this run course is NO JOKE between the hard climbs and trail aspect, starting too hard can be an immediate recipe for disaster. So I made sure not to do that. I ran calm and conservative, averaging around 8:30s for the first 3 miles or so. I could feel the heat, and was exceptionally thirsty, but I continued to drink and consume electrolytes, and just tried to stay calm and focused. My effort still felt really in control, and I reminded myself I’d done everything right, was in a great spot, and had all the fitness and preparation I needed to pull out a solid run here. It didn’t need to be anything spectacular; just well-paced to the finish. But by mile 4, things were changing rapidly for me. I knew I was getting into trouble.

As I became more and more affected by the heat, my body quickly began to deteriorate. I tried to stay focused, keep drinking and trying to cool myself with water, and just keep plugging away, keeping the pace conservative. I told myself to just focus on one little section at a time. But soon enough, even that was difficult. Over the next mile, I had to alternate between walking and running, and had become increasingly lightheaded, dizzy and weak. I felt sure I’d fall over. Heatstroke had set in. In many ways it was very similar to the meltdown I experienced last year on the run, in almost the same spot, but that was directly due to poor nutrition. This time, my nutrition was well on par, but my body simply could not hold up in the heat, and was fading fast. Before long, I could no longer run at all, and was walking at a pace comparable to a crawl, hunched over and leaning on my knees. I knew something was seriously wrong, and I could feel my body literally shutting down and telling me to STOP — now!! I felt desperate, struggling so badly but wanting so much to be able to continue, knowing that even still I was doing well and could hang on for a good result if I could just pull through.

But it wasn’t going to happen; this was a hole too deep to get out of. I managed to get myself to the next aid station at about mile 6, after what seemed like a VERY long time of staggering along. I tried throwing in some running again, but my body immediately let me know this was NOT okay, and I was forced back to the crawling pace. By the time I hit the aid station, I knew things were not looking good at all. I was downing the electrolyte and dousing myself in water as I leaned on the table to stay upright. It was an ugly scene to say the least. I knew my body was not okay and that this was far more serious than anything I could control. But I still wanted so badly not to give up. I’d pretty much let go of thinking about times and results, but had to start thinking seriously about whether finishing was even a reality. As hard as it was to acknowledge, I knew in my heart that it did not make sense at all to try to finish, and that I was putting my body in danger by doing so. It was giving me every possible screaming warning sign that it could to stop, and I knew I needed to listen this time.

After a break at the aid station, still wanting SO badly to not have to “give up,” I continued walking, VERY slowly, to try to find August and talk with him about what we wanted to do — but I already knew the inevitable conclusion. It was about another half-mile before I saw him, but it seemed like much longer by the time I made it there. After a very quick chat, it was clear what the decision was. For the first time in my life — after more than 15 years of swimming, running, x-country skiing and now triathlon races of all different distances, through all kinds of conditions and challenges, and despite all sorts of technical, mechanical and body issues, and NEVER having given up — I was not going to cross this finish line. It was a hard reality to accept. But I knew it was the right thing to do, and ultimately the only real choice I had at that point. I’m not sure what might have happened had I tried to keep going, but I know there could have potentially been some very bad consequences. And I was sure that walk/staggering another 6.5 miles, should I have been able to make it, would do me far more harm than good in my preparation for Coeur d’Alene or the rest of my season.

I have long been very proud of my ability and determination to always finish what I’ve started when it comes to racing, and to push through a slew of adversities to get to that line at all costs. I am a huge believer in the value of that. But as I have grown as an athlete, I am finally able to realize that sometimes, there isn’t really a choice. Sometimes, finishing is not where the value lies. In this case, stopping was the only right thing to do.

To have failed to finish on Saturday is hard, frustrating and disappointing. To let go of that stubborn determination to finish at all costs was not easy. But to refuse to relinquish a ‘fight to the death’ type of attitude when your body is essentially refusing to continue is not a responsible decision, and certainly not one that should be made by an aspiring professional athlete.

Unfortunately, the right decisions are often the most difficult ones to make. But having done so now, I can truly see the value in making a responsible, mature decision that considers the big picture. And in doing so, I can see that I have grown as an athlete, and for that I am proud of myself. To allow that stubborn sense of tenacity to be overtaken by a sensible decision that honors my body and considers my overall health and well-being as an athlete is in many ways a victory in itself and a breakthrough of its own. I am beyond disappointed by what happened Saturday, and this certainly dampens my thoughts on the entire experience. But given the circumstances, I am honestly pleased that I was able to act like the athlete I seek to be.

It is no longer an objective for me at these types of races merely to finish. I already know I can do that. It is my objective to be successful in terms of results, personal achievement, and in terms of using each race as a tool for growth. And at this point in my career, I know it is finally time to acknowledge that in some — hopefully rare — cases, particularly in 70.3 and 140.6 races, finishing a race merely to finish does more harm than good in the case of these objectives and the case bettering our bodies, and it is not always the sensible or right thing to do. The toll these long races already take on your body is extensive, but to try to finish on a body that is already shutting down could potentially lead to irreversible damage. I have known for some time now I would likely have to acknowledge the reality, and even the value, of a DNF at some point in the near future, but I’ve been dreading the day. But now that it has come and gone, I am understanding the importance of it, and learning to be okay with it. I am realizing this makes me no less of an athlete than I was before, and in some ways it even makes me better.

After I got home, I spent Sunday and Monday horribly sick with a stomach virus that I’m unsure was related in any way to what I experienced Saturday. All I know is that, all in all, it was one VERY rough weekend. I really think it had the potential to be spectacular, but it didn’t end up that way. It is so easy to dwell on what “could have been,” but that is not helpful. Still the potential is a good thing to focus on, and there are many positives I can draw from this race. I saw that the fitness was there. And while I certainly still have lots of work to do before June 23rd, I am on track, and I am on my way. All I can do now is look ahead, remain confident in what I have done and continue to do, and take what I can from my experience on Saturday. I am still a stronger athlete now for having been through it.

I’m really not sure what all I could have done differently that day, and perhaps there wasn’t anything. I know my body’s never been good at dealing with heat, particularly early in the season, but I now know how much I need to prioritize figuring out how to improve on that. This will be something I work on actively through the rest of this season, including traveling to train in the heat, and experimenting with different hydration and cooling techniques.

What I know I have learned for now is that there is value in everything, even a failure to finish. If you can see that, you will always come out the other side stronger. Experiencing my first DNF is a bummer, no question, but I’m not going to let it bring me down. I am motivated to get out there and keep going; to redeem myself and prove that I can do it. I am looking ahead at what I can do now and how I can achieve my goals with this experience in my back pocket. I am moving on, and moving forward. As Rebecca Rusch says in this inspiring video recapping her recent Kokopelli trail record, “I am not addicted to the podium, or the finish line…The journey is truly the prize… Coming out the other side a better person is what I live for.” Amen, Rebecca. It’s not always about the finish.

However… I have to say a HUGE congratulations to everyone who persevered on Saturday and made it to that finish line. I commend you on what is, by any measure, an incredible accomplishment.

Getting It Started: Let’s Do This, 2013!

My 2013 triathlon season has officially begun!

Saturday marked my season kickoff, with the Xterra Real triathlon in Granite Bay, a short Xterra that features a .5-mile swim, 16-mile mountain bike and a 4-mile trail run. This is a super fun race put on by TBF Racing, the company responsible for getting me hooked on triathlon when I did my first race with them on a whim back in 2009. They do a fantastic job of hosting professional races with a laid-back feel and super fun atmosphere, and this year’s Xterra Real was no exception. I was stoked to start my triathlon season here. It was also my first race of the season last year, as well as my very first Xterra race. Also with being so close to home and incorporating a SUPER fun bike course, this is pretty much a can’t-miss event for me.

High Line = Fast Line!

I definitely had some mixed feelings approaching the race. Going into the first race is always tough, as there are generally a lot of unknowns, and it’s always somewhat challenging and nerve-wracking to put your body to the test again after the off-season. There is certainly something exciting and refreshing about starting a new season with a blank slate and nothing but opportunity ahead, but “diving back in” — especially with high expectations — can also be a little scary. I have to admit I did not feel completely ready for Saturday, and really felt somewhat unsure as to what the day would have in store for me and how my body (and mind) would respond.

Nonetheless, I was eager to take on the challenge and find out. Frankly, I was eager to get the first race in the bank. For me, there’s a huge value in just getting out there again and going through the process of racing (particularly in triathlon, where the process is so complex in itself). Essentially, it’s a reminder of what it’s like to be “in the moment,” and to push your body beyond its comfort zone. For me it is also a good reminder that yes, I CAN do this — even if it REALLY does hurt! — and also that I LOVE it!

I was a little nervous Saturday morning, but also pretty fired up — the mixed emotions doing their dance. Similarly, I held on to a quiet confidence in my abilities to go out there and give it my all (going through all the “I’m a bad ass” mantras in my mental bank), hoping they’d override the subtle hints of question and doubt (“It’s been a while,” and “I’m not sure I’m ready.”) But ultimately, as much as I wanted to win (and of COURSE I did – it’s racing!), I reminded myself that this was about the PROCESS of racing, and getting that first race checked off the list.

I focused on keeping things in perspective: I was gunning for the W, yes, but win or no win, this race would lay the foundation for my 2013 season, and I would take ALL of it (good and bad) with me for the remainder of the year as I move forward. When I thought about it this way, I felt super excited to get out there, empty the tank, and see what I could do. Seeing some good friends before the start and knowing I’d be sharing the course with them was also a great reminder of how fun racing really is. I was particularly stoked to see LUNA teammate Lentine Zahler, who was taking her first stab at Xterra racing, and came to the venue with a huge smile and an eager, open and fantastic attitude. I was pumped for her! Time to get this party started!

I won this race in 2012 in my first Xterra attempt, but I knew this year’s field was MUCH stronger than last year’s, with some fast, fierce and generally awesome women set to hit the start line. I knew coming in that none of us would make it easy on each other and it would be a battle regardless of how good any of us felt. That proved to be true from the get-go, and we quickly found ourselves engaged in some full-throttle, high-intensity racing. It was definitely the wake-up call my body needed, and a stark reminder of the level of effort and desire required on an Xterra race course.

I was pretty nervous for the swim, as last year Folsom Lake was a brisk 48 degrees for this race and even the short 1/2 mile distance left me with a headache and feeling disoriented from the cold. But this year it was about 50 degrees, and honestly those 2 degrees made a HUGE difference. The water felt cold, but not frigid. Unfortunately, my swim itself was very mediocre, and I was pretty disappointed with it. I felt like I was swimming strong and sighting well, working hard to draft and stick toward the front of the pack, but I came out of the water as the 10th woman, with several others right on my heels, in 13:20 (to last year’s 12:26). Yikes — I had some work to do!

You’d think this would have given me some hustle in the transition, but I did myself NO favors here, losing several more spots and precious chunks of time as I fumbled around trying to get things straight and generally taking my sweet-ass time. There’s no doubt my transitions need SERIOUS work, and Saturday was proof of that. The first race is always more challenging, but this was really just unacceptable (weakness NOTED!). After what felt like forever, it was on to the bike, and I was pretty psyched to be out there. I love this bike course and had really been looking forward to riding it. I hopped on the bike ready to ride hard and determined to chase down some ladies!

Such a fun ride!!

It was not easy being so far back in the pack the first few miles, especially without a lot of room for passing (and a few competitors who weren’t too keen on scooting over). I had to work hard to make my way to the front, but the two strongest bikers in the women’s field, Sian Turner and Debby Sullivan, were just up ahead and I could see them also pushing through the field, so that served as awesome motivation for me to keep working my way up. Eventually I made my way into 3rd, with Sian and Debby still just ahead. I wasn’t feeling stellar, but I tried to focus on how fun it was to be back on the bike and charging hard! I kept reminding myself NOT to hold back. With these ladies, you simply can’t afford to do that, because the gas is on from the get-go and there’s really no letting up. The pace was fast, and we each made it clear we’d come to win as we fought hard to gain time on the bike. It had become a three-woman race for us.

About mid-way through lap one I moved into second, just ahead of Sian, a dear friend and also the eventual race winner. I pushed it to try to get away and start closing in on Debby, who now had a lead of more than 30 seconds and was charging HARD. I maintained this position through the lap and was ready to try to pick up the pace a bit on lap 2. Sian was right on my tail, and I was actually pretty stoked we were getting to ride together. She’s an amazing rider and it was super fun to be in such a high-intensity race alongside her. I felt like we had some great momentum going and may be able to start cutting into Debby’s lead. Unfortunately, the intensity of the moment got the better of me, and I came in to a corner a little too hot, causing my back tire to slide out and bringing me down hard on the trail right in front of Sian. Fortunately she was able to get by, and after kindly doing a quick check-in that I was okay made her way quickly up the trail.

I was indeed fine other than some banged up legs, a slightly deflated ego and some frustration. But my handle bars had twisted completely around over my top tube, so it took some maneuvering (and precious time) to get the bike straightened out and get back on my way. At that point, Sian was flying up the trail and Debby was gaining more time, and I was definitely out of contact. Unfortunately, I think I never quite got back in the groove after this, and let the crash affect me more than it should have. I pushed hard to try to come back, but lost a bit more time through the rest of the course. Mentally, I think I settled a bit and as I was getting splits I sort of let myself be content with the time back, relying on my run to make up the difference, rather than keep pushing the gas to try to gain immediate time. This was definitely a mistake, and a lesson learned for me. I am confident the crash itself did not make the difference between first and second for me, but I do believe the way I let it affect me mentally and my inability to bounce back as quickly as I should have played a factor in my performance on the day. Lesson learned! Otherwise, I think it was a solid ride for me, particular so early in the season. My legs are definitely not quite there yet, but will come around with more time on the bike I’m sure. Bike leg (plus T1 and T2) time was 1:17:24, 3rd fastest female.

Heading on to the run (after another slow transition), I knew I’d lost some time and had a very tough task ahead of me. But I remained determined to make up the gap, and kept pushing for (and believing in!) the win. But with just a 4-mile run and a deficit of nearly three minutes to Debby and about a minute on Sian, I was asking a lot of myself. In the end, I just didn’t have it and my run fell a little short of what I expected. I ran hard and left it all out there, but my legs just didn’t have the gear I was searching for today and I couldn’t quite get it going. My splits continued to show that I was not making any time on the speedy Sian, who was executing an incredible race and had now taken over the lead. But I didn’t let up. I was able to overtake Debby to move into second shortly before mile 3, but stayed almost dead-even in my splits with Sian, who crossed the line just over a minute ahead of me to take the win in an incredible effort.

I was absolutely stoked for Sian on a very well-deserved and gutsy win. I was also very happy to finish second, as it was an extremely hard-fought result. I was followed by Debby in third, with the fastest bike split of the day. In the end my run time was 30:55, the 5th-fastest women’s split. This was a little disappointing, but I do believe my run is where I want it to be right now based on training and a race I did back in February. But it just didn’t show today. I have been putting in a lot of work on the run these last few months, and I’m confident that as I continue to work on my swim-bike-run (putting it all together) and improve my race efficiency, my run will be faster and I’ll feel back to my normal self.

Top Three: Debby, Sian and me

All said and done, we left it all out there, and I am so stoked we got to share the course and push each other to perform better. Strong competition is what makes us grow as athletes, and I’m confident these ladies will certainly continue to help me grow throughout the year. Thanks for making me work for it gals; it was an honor racing with you! Ultimately, I am not disappointed with my result. Actually, I’m quite pleased. I think it is a really solid start to the season, and was certainly a strong effort. It has been a long ski season for me, with a lot of coaching (and repping, and writing, and marketing, and so on…) — and not quite as much “me” time, and certainly not as much specific swim/bike/run time as I would have liked. I know that at this point I am a bit behind on preparation relative to most of my competitors. But honestly, I think that is totally okay, and I’m actually quite happy to be where I am right now. As World Ironman and 70.3 Champion Leanda Cave states well in her latest blog post, there is a lot to be said for having a true off-season. While it is hard to not be able to bike and run consistently year-round living in the mountains, I think I am lucky to be able to supplement my training with Nordic skiing, and in the long run I think it’s a great thing.

That being said, I know I have a lot of work to do. This is also okay, and in fact a really good thing in my eyes. There’s a long and exciting season ahead, and I am looking forward to continuing to progress as it goes along, with lots of big races and huge goals on the horizon, and plenty of time to prepare myself to meet them. I learned a lot Saturday about what I need to do going forward, as well as what my strengths are right now, and I look forward to applying that knowledge as I head into more specific training this spring. I have a ways to go, but I am now several steps ahead of where I was pre-race, and even more motivated to get out there and do what I need to do to keep moving forward. Happy to have this race in the books and the “process” completed, valuable lessons in the pocket, and a reminder that the fire inside is still burning very bright. Next stop: Xterra West Championships, Vegas, April 14th! Onward!!

Age group podium

Official Xterra Planet race report and results link here

A Very Different Great Ski Race

Yesterday I experienced a very different kind of Great Ski “Race.” For the first time in several years of doing this event, I was not out there as a racer. I did not start in the first wave and battle through the 30km for a coveted spot on the podium. I did not push myself all the way up and over the top of Starrat Pass, set fire to my lungs and turn my legs into jelly as I have done in the past. Instead, I started in a later wave with several of my high school athletes — cutest girls in the world — and we skied the 30km (mostly) together, as a group. We had an absolute blast!

Wave 1 gets ready to go, with Coach Gus hamming it up in front

I have to say that I felt a momentary, slight sense of disappointment when I first got to the venue about the fact that I was not racing. As a racer who is used to pushing hard at every event, and not accustomed to spectating or merely ‘participating,’ I think there is always that initial sense of “I should be out there going for it.” But, that went away quickly once things got going, and I actually really enjoyed watching the send-off of the elite wave, even if it was leaving me behind!

Once we all got going, we were in no hurry, stopping when we got too hot to remove layers, when we got thirsty to get a drink, to take photos along the way, if we saw someone we wanted to chat with for a bit, and of course to eat brownies and Three Musketeers at the aid stations. It was definitely a change of pace for me, but I have to say it gave me a whole new perspective on the event, and on that day, I truly loved not being in a hurry. I was so happy to spend that time with my girls (and fellow coach Elyah), working together to get through the distance, encouraging one another along the way, and just enjoying a nice long, snowy ski. We were also skiing in honor of our former NTHS coach and dear friend Randolph Green, whom we lost to cancer last spring. We made shirts to commemorate him and carried his humor, energy and positive spirit with us on the trails. This definitely helped us get fired up — thanks Randolph!!

Though we were not concerned about going fast, The Great Ski Race is still a tough race by any measure, and an especially long way for the high schoolers, who typically race 4-5km, but were now challenging themselves to ski 30 km that included an extremely difficult climb to the top of the pass. Getting to Truckee was quite an accomplishment for them, and I was extremely impressed and proud. We got a little separated at about 20 km, and one of my athletes, Ingrid, and I finished together slightly in front of the rest of the girls. The ski took me 3 hours and 10 minutes — about an hour and 45 minutes slower than my best race time on the course. But I loved every minute (okay, except for a few when I got REALLY cold).

Snack Time!

The conditions were seriously tough out there, with an extremely wet snow/rain mix coming down throughout the day that made for powdery conditions near the top and VERY thick, sloppy, rutted conditions down on the bottom. The end of the race was brutal, even despite the slower pace. Race times across the field were significantly slower than in years past because of the tough conditions. I was definitely tired by the finish, and I have to admit happy I did not have to really race in it!

I had not earned myself a top-five finish on the day as I had done in years past, but I thoroughly enjoyed my Great Race experience yesterday. It gave me a whole new perspective on the event, and as funny as it may sound, I felt really proud of myself — and my team, of course — after crossing that line 3 hours and 10 minutes later. It still felt like a big accomplishment, and I felt like I had really taken it all in in a whole new way. I savored every kilometer and took the time to look around. I shared the experience with those around me, and we were reminded of our love for the sport of skiing.

A little blurry, but the capture of a BIG accomplishment – top of Starratt Pass!

As someone who spends a HUGE portion of my time each and every day being in a hurry, rushing to get things done, and pushing myself to arrive at my destination faster, it was truly refreshing to spend a day doing just the opposite, and really soaking up the experience. I think that sometimes — when the time is appropriate — it’s a good idea to slow things down a bit, and ski/bike/swim/run or whatever sport you choose simply because you love it, and not in pursuit of a result. Of course, as a racer, pushing hard, going fast and chasing down results is essentially my daily mission, so these opportunities are rare. But every once in a while they will come up, and I think it’s more than okay to take advantage of them, and that we learn something new about ourselves and actually grow as athletes each time that we do (just as we grow from each race).

From snow…

This ski season has been somewhat of a transitional period for me. Ultimately, this has been the season when I’ve really had to start learning how to let go of my identity as a ski racer. This has been tough at times because I spent such a significant portion of my life as an elite Nordic skier, and that is really the sport that shaped my involvement in and passion for athletics. Nordic skiing will forever be my foundation. But I have chosen to go in a different direction now, and that is to focus on triathlon.

…To Dirt!

Skiing continues to be a part of my life, and likely always will be, but in a much different way than it has in the past. I have made triathlon my priority in terms of training, racing, and goal-setting, and my life has been adjusted accordingly. There is simply not enough time for me right now to try to maximize my potential in both sports, and I’ve really come to realize and accept that this season. I have learned to let go of my identity as a top Nordic ski racer, and instead reshape it. I am still a skier, but I approach the sport in a new way. In the sense of skiing, my big focus now is coaching — teaching others how to maximize their potential in the sport, fostering that growth, and sharing my love for the sport with all of these great kids. Skiing and ski racing are still fantastic training tools for me, and I will continue to utilize them, but i think it is important I remember that my approach must be different now, and that I need to shift my goals and expectations to reflect that.

I have been fortunate to be able to race in two local ski races this season. This is far less ski racing than I’ve ever done in the past, but I think it’s an appropriate amount given my very full triathlon racing schedule throughout the rest of the year. One of these races went quite well, and one did not go so well. But both were excellent training tools for me in that they gave me a chance to push myself in a way that cannot otherwise be simulated, and a chance to stay competitive in the off-season. This is how I will continue to approach ski racing in the future. I know I will likely only be able to do a few races each year, and that I will likely not race as well as I could have expected in the past, but I’m learning now how to accept that, and see the value in these races for helping me improve my skills and fitness as a triathlete. I think that capping this season off with my Great Ski Race skiing experience was a perfect way for me to end this ski season, providing a nice balance for me of still using ski racing as a training tool and of course pushing myself as hard as I can in that effort, but also using the winter season as a time to have fun, try new things and be a little less serious — and of course really flex my identity as a coach.

What a great group of girlies!

I am so grateful for all that skiing has done for me, and all the sport and community have given me. Sunday’s Great Ski Race could not have been a more fitting reminder of that. I may have taken several steps back from the racing scene, but the sport itself remains as important to me as ever. I think this season has really helped me solidify my understanding of all of that, and helped me to “re-shape” my skiing identity, if you will. I am extremely grateful for that.

What it’s all about

Most of all, I am extremely grateful to “my kids” for keeping me involved in this sport in such a positive way, and for helping to remind me of how very fortunate I was to grow up among the Nordic skiing community. I truly would not trade the experiences I have had in this sport for anything, and I carry them with me as I move forward in my triathlon career, and I know my athletes will also take their experiences with them in the future. These kids have worked so hard all season — and many of them for much longer — to get to where  they are today, and all the while have never lost sight of the fact that skiing is simply something they love. They inspire me, and I am so proud to be their coach and a part of their junior skiing experience. They will undoubtedly turn into fine individuals as they grow up. Not to mention… I am proud of what they did on Saturday at the State Championships, earning the FIRST PLACE state title for the men’s field, and third place in the women’s! Way to go team!!

State Champs!

Third Place!

 

 

 

 

 

 

All that being said, I should definitely mention that LUNA pro team member Katerina Nash WON the women’s division of the Great Ski Race yesterday (and placed sixth overall!). As someone who undoubtedly has an incredible skiing background as a two-time Olympian, but now devotes the majority of her time and energy to mountain biking, I am seriously inspired by her ability to set a goal for this race and come out and achieve it. I only hope to one day be even close to as big of a bad-ass as she is!

No Struggles, No Progress

I am a firm believer in the saying “What doesn’t kill us makes us strong,” and that’s a good thing, because it seems to become more and more evident the further I delve into my triathlon “dream” that progress does not come without struggle. In fact, lately it seems that struggle is precisely what helps to build progress. And if so, I guess I’m actually doing alright…

Because so far 2013 has been a year of a LOT of work, a lot of lessons, some definite struggle, and what I hope will evolve into a lot of progress. I am slightly disappointed to say that nothing much has changed for me in “life outside of triathlon.” In other words, I’m still trying to balance five jobs while simultaneously working to become a professional triathlete. Because I am a person with several passions in life, I have continued to work at all of this with determination, because I simply don’t want to give anything up. I have a broad range of goals and interests, and have been working hard to fulfill them. In that effort, 2013 has brought many early mornings, late nights, a few tears (okay, maybe a couple of borderline-breakdowns), and not enough sleep as I try to balance it all. But I have continued to work diligently to make it all come together, and not lost sight of my dreams.

As I write this, I realize how un-ideal my situation sounds. And frankly, it is. But, it’s all a part of the puzzle for me right now. I wrote in my most recent blog post (a long time ago now, as my blog has remained idle while my life has been in overdrive) that my goal/plan was to make some changes to enable triathlon to come more to the forefront of my life. Essentially, I was looking to cut back; to do more with less. But unfortunately, I’m just not quite there yet. I’m just not quite at the point where I can take any pieces out of the puzzle. All of the jumbling is necessary for me right now. But, I’m still working to get there, and I know I’m still headed in the right direction, and getting one step closer (most) everyday (minus the occasional set-back!).

Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed thinking about the path in front of me and the direction I’ve set out for myself. It can seem impossible during the challenging moments, and I consider whether I might be crazy to keep dreaming so big. But I just have to slow down for a minute, take a look around, and think about why I am pursuing these goals, and remind myself to take things one step at a time. Then I understand, again, why I’m not about to give up. Perhaps I am a little crazy, but I’m totally okay with that, and I’m going to keep going after what I want. And because I won’t be making any profound changes to my schedule anytime soon (in other words, because I am NOT yet at a level where I can afford to simply make triathlon my job), I have come to realize that I need to make the most of my situation, and focus on how I can benefit from it. Because, even in this very crazy, jumbled puzzle, each piece somehow makes another fit in, and each plays its own role in completing the picture. One day, it will be a new picture, but for now I need to continue to utilize each piece, and determine how I can best make it work to my advantage.

I have often discussed how much I’ve learned throughout life because of my participation in sports. I am acutely aware of the level at which my identity as an athlete has impacted my daily life, and ultimately made me a stronger person. (For more on this, see one of my articles from this past summer’s “Endurance Endeavors” series). But I am now realizing just how much this connection can also be reversed, i.e. how much the lessons I learn and challenges I work to overcome in work and other facets of my life can help to make me a stronger athlete. So as I face struggles right now in being overloaded with work, or just feeling overwhelmed about how to make it all balance out, I understand that these, too, are lessons that can be applied to my inner athlete. They are tests of will and determination, ultimately not much different than those that I face in the last half of the Ironman run leg.

And I know that — even if it is crazy — I just have to keep plugging away, looking ahead, and taking it all with me as I push forward. It’s all valuable: all the “blood, sweat and tears” that are shed in my efforts to reach my goals — even if not shed during training itself — are the struggles that lead me to progress. So I need to take them for what they are worth, and march (or swim, bike, run and ski…) on. I am still very excited about the opportunities that lie ahead for me, and confident about what I can do. I may not have picked the easiest road, but I truly believe these struggles will only continue to make me stronger. And I won’t stop trying to reach that next level; to be the best that I can possibly be. No struggles, no progress.

Looking Back, and AHEAD!

Crazy little sis’ Xmas morning snow angel

Christmas has come and gone, and it’s nearly 2013. I have to repeat that statement in my head a few times as I write it to really conceptualize the fact that it is actually true — especially because I didn’t turn on the Christmas carols three weeks ahead of time this year and have yet to go on a holiday cookie baking spree. (Just to clarify, though, I had an absolutely incredible holiday with very dear family and friends!) I may sound well beyond my 26 years here, but I can’t believe how fast time is going by… It has been more than two months since I competed at Worlds — that’s two months since my last triathlon; my last competition and the culmination of my season.

Excited…obviously!

I miss triathlon season so much already. I miss the excitement of an upcoming event; the stimulation of the races; the simultaneous pain/pleasure of pushing beyond my limits; the road trips; the people; and even the 4 a.m. wake ups (it’s so worth it when you know what you have coming)! More than anything, I miss that overriding feeling of having a ‘greater purpose’ of sorts. During competition season, triathlon is on my mind virtually all the time. It’s at the forefront of my decisions and actions, and I feel constantly excited about it.

During the off-season, the objective is to take a bit of a break — both physically and mentally — from that sort of ‘all-consuming’ feeling; to let your body and mind wind down, focus a bit more on other aspects of life, and then progressively get the gears turning again in preparation for the season ahead. I’ll be honest: I’m not enjoying the off-season as much I probably should be. As soon as I got back from Worlds, it was an abrupt dive back into ‘reality.’ November

Coaching again = getting to see these crazy kids everyday!

was an insanely busy month as I got more involved in one of my new jobs, and also began preparing for coaching to start up again for the winter season — in addition to my other three existing jobs. I became completely immersed in work in an all-consuming way, and triathlon season quickly came to seem like a distant memory. I told myself that it was actually supreme timing to be so unbelievably busy, as it was time for me to take a rest from training anyhow. It was a forced negligence of sorts, as too many other things were taking over.

Levi takes a break of his own w. his new Xmas toy

After about three and a half weeks of a casual run or bike here-and-there a couple times a week, I knew it was time to progressively start getting things cranking again. This is always a gradual process, so patience is key. However, it is now near the end of December, and my “insanely busy” November has only escalated into an even more overwhelming December. That cliche chicken-with-its-head-cut-off analogy is fully applicable to my life right now.

Nonetheless, I’m ultimately still thinking about triathlon all the time, even if I’m not supposed to be. And in so many ways, I’m really longing for it to be at the forefront again. I know the off-season is a necessary step to future success… winding down, recovering and relaxing, and then building back up again to start anew — and hopefully ahead of where you had been. I totally understand and embrace that part, and am really excited about having some time to just focus on training and preparation without the stress of competition, and with a race schedule full of opportunity looming ahead. But I think where I am really having a hard time is that the many “other” aspects of my life are becoming so busy right now that I feel like the athlete part is taking a bigger backseat than it really should; that it’s getting shadowed. I am no doubt still an athlete, but it just doesn’t seem quite as present or as defining as I’d like it to right now. And that’s where I really miss the season, I suppose.

Mom enjoys the view on a recent ride in the foothills

I know I’m actually still doing okay on the training front right now given the time of year, and that my crazy schedule is ultimately probably a blessing in disguise, as it’s forcing me to work my way back into a full training load as gradually as I probably should. But with that being said, I know I have a LOT of work to do in the coming months, and will undoubtedly need more time to do it. I have some really big goals for 2013, and need to make a lot of progress in order to get there. So, I’m working on some potential changes for this next year, which I hope to be able to share more about later (I still don’t even really know what these changes will be yet, but ultimately I am just on the hunt to make some minor adjustments so I don’t feel like it’s such a scramble for me to ‘find time’ for the thing I really love the most — again, working toward letting the ‘athlete’ piece of my life come back to the forefront).

LOVE this sport!

Looking back on my 2012 season as a whole, I am so pleased with how far I have come. It was a year of progress in so many ways. I had some incredibly amazing highlights, and some very frustrating challenges; some absolutely wonderful experiences, and some less-than-fun experiences; days where I really ‘showed up,’ and days where my body just didn’t have it; great results that shocked me, and results that left me disappointed; goals that were achieved and even surpassed, and others that I simply could not reach. But through it all, I learned so very much, grew tremendously as an athlete and person, and came to love the sport of triathlon even more than I imagined I could have.

All in all, 2012 was an incredibly positive season for me. There were no real failures — partially because I don’t really believe in “failures,” and partially because I came out of every race (even the ones that presented the most challenges) having progressed as an athlete in one way or another — and never, ever gave up on myself. My body stayed healthy and strong, and my mind happy and positive, from early April to late October, with 15 races on the schedule. I did not accomplish all of my goals, but I accomplished many, and each time I went out there, I gave it my all, which is certainly satisfying in itself. I was able to push through the tough days, both in training and racing, and come out a stronger athlete on the other side. All said and done, I believe I am a whole different athlete than I was at this time last year, and I am so very grateful.

I believe this sense of progress can only mean good things for the future, as I look to make a similar — but even more substantial — ‘jump’ in 2013. I have some pretty massive goals for the year ahead, and I know the path to achieving them certainly is not made easier by the craziness of my life right now. But I have always been a firm believer in big dreams and the power of will. I may not have all the tools I need just yet, but I do believe I have a surplus of both of those things, as well as a whole lot of passion and heart. And I think that’s a good combination to get me started, while I work toward obtaining the rest.

I am working to finalize my 2013 schedule, goal sheet and plans for the new year, and I am excited to post more information about all of it soon! For now, as I transition from one incredible year and start looking ahead at building up for the next, I can’t help but be overwhelmed by my gratitude for an unbelievably fun season defined by progress — a critical step on a long road that I hope will continue to climb! I am so grateful for the many wonderful opportunities I have been afforded; the fantastic support I have received this year from my sponsors, family, friends, coaches, fellow competitors and athletes, race volunteers and my amazing community; the knowledge I have gained; and the growth I have made. To all of you who have supported me in pursuit of my dream this year, each in your own unique way, I cannot thank you enough, or tell you just how much your help means to me. And I promise to do all I can to make 2013 a year of even more progress, and of course lots of love… for triathlon, and for all of you.

New opportunities on the horizon… CELEBRATE!!

2012 Xterra World Championships

Well my friends, my first Xterra World Champs is in the books! And with that, so is my 2012 season. I can hardly believe it’s all done. Since my return from Maui, I feel like life’s been in fast forward as I’ve scrambled to catch up. I am certainly happy to take a vicarious re-visit to my time in Maui with a little (belated) recap. Being in Maui was awesome! It was obviously incredibly beautiful, and there was a definite sense of “island lifestyle” peacefulness. I felt really blessed just to be there on such a fabulous “race-cation.”

I tried to take it all in stride and keep things in perspective before the race. I knew I was expecting a lot out of myself and really wanted a great season-culminating performance, but I really tried to keep in mind that I was there solely because I wanted to be, and because racing is what I love to do. I reminded myself that Sunday was all about just giving it my all and being in the moment, and that in the end the only person I ultimately had to satisfy was myself. I kept things pretty low-key leading up to the race because I truly wanted to be as prepared as possible, so no major Maui outdoor excursions/adventures — but I think I found a nice balance with still getting out and taking in some of the Maui sights and lifestyle. It was also super fun to get out on the bike and run courses in the days before the race, as well as take several ocean swims.

The day before the race, things started to get really interesting. The island Gods decided to mix things up for us, starting with a swell that made for some pretty big surf break. That came in early Saturday and was expected to hang around through the race on Sunday. In the world of Xterra swimmers, big waves + big surf break = serious challenge getting in and out of the water!  No reservations in saying this made me a little nervous, especially as I watched numerous swimmers get seriously rocked by the waves as they practiced getting in and out of the break on Saturday morning. But, later that day I headed down to the water with ocean gurus/surfer extraordinaires August and my friend Cam, and they gave me some awesome lessons in body surfing/ “how to not get totally rocked by the surf break” 101. I had a few nasty flips, and ended the day with more sand in my hair, bathing suit, ear lobes, etc. than I knew what to do with, but by the end of my 45 minute session of running in and out of the water, ducking under waves and (attempting) riding them, I actually felt pretty confident. Then came the tsunami warning.

The break at our swim location

I was just getting ready to tuck myself into bed Saturday night when Cam sent us a text that the tsunami warning alarms were blazing near his house. Fortunately, we were on high ground up at the race venue, so we could not even hear the alarms, and were also in a “safe zone.” On went the TV news. The tsunami was expected to hit shortly after 10 p.m., and much of the island was being evacuated, including numerous Xterra athletes who were staying elsewhere, on lower ground. I felt incredibly lucky to be able to stay put in bed, but definitely not at ease with the thought of an impending tsunami, and zero sense of what would be happening with the race the next day. And I thought I was nervous about the swim before…! Needless to say, it wasn’t the best pre-race sleep.

Nonetheless, we woke the next morning to an email that the race was ON as planned, and news that the tsunami hadn’t manifested into much of anything. Whew — dodged that bullet! So, it was time to put the game face on. One of the best things about staying at the race site hotel is the walk to transition and easy access back to your room in case anything is forgotten. I got everything set up easily, and brought my bike in to transition with more confidence than ever thanks to some help from amazing LUNA mechanic Chris. Knowing he had inspected my bike and given it the go-ahead for the race really put me at ease. I was incredibly lucky to have such amazing support from the LUNA team in Maui. Given that all three incredibly talented LUNA Pro Team racers were in the lineup and ready to rock on Sunday, I felt really blessed that the crew still found the time to provide me with support and encouragement, which was awesome and much appreciated!

By race morning, the water down at the beach was actually calmer than it had been the day before. BUT, the surf break was still really big (at least by the standards of a gal who spends about 99.9 percent of her time swimming in a lake, reservoir or pool). But somehow I didn’t feel nervous about it. I was ready to tackle those waves! The pros took off first, and some of them dove right in with aggression and grace, but even some of the best struggled navigating the waters. Two minutes later the men took off. Definitely a bit more surf-break carnage, but it was relatively minimal, and still others really excelled in the rough water. Then there we were, the amateur women, next up on the starting line and off we went. I took the aggressive approach and charged right in, diving under the first big wave at the break. I made it through clean, noticing others around me didn’t, and started charging hard. I knew with so many people and such rough water that I was going to have to put in a good hard starting push.

While I’d made it through the break clean, I was surprised at how rough the water still was

All smiles on the run between laps

as we got further out. The going was not easy, and the swim was definitely more taxing than usual. I reminded myself it was the same for everyone, and that with adversity comes opportunity. I was swimming hard and using lots of energy, especially as we started to intersect with the big field of men. We rounded the first buoy and headed back to shore for the first of two laps. Swimming with the tide certainly helped, but the surf break seemed to have gotten even bigger, and some of the swimmers around me definitely got tossed around pretty good when we neared the beach. Thanks to my personal lessons, I was able to time it right and exit the water smoothly. Big sigh of relief!! On the beach run I saw Cam and Aug, and couldn’t help the huge smile on my face, as I realized that as tough as this was, it was actually kind of fun, and I was doing okay!

Back into the water for round two, and I once again escaped the surf break unscathed (another big sigh). Just one more exit to go now. I was told on the run that I was 17th woman. Pretty far back, but I knew there were several of us in a tight pack, so I could easily move up if I played my cards right. I swam hard, but felt the difficulty of this swim even more this lap as I worked to navigate the rough water. Things definitely got more aggressive on lap two as we caught up to more men, and I took a real hard kick to the face that I was sure had knocked out one of my teeth (fortunately, I was wrong!). I worked hard to stick on the feet in front of me while trying to maintain a bit of personal space, and it was no easy task. After a final charge near the beach, I was relieved to make my last clean break and start the run up to transition. I’d moved up to 15th, with several women right in sight, but I’d definitely lost some major time to the top swimmers, and really had some work to do.

One too-slow transition later (this is definitely still a weakness), I was on the bike, and stoked! A thick cloud cover was keeping the temps down, and pleasing me perfectly. The first five miles of the bike course was all single track, with quick terrain changes, lots of corners, and steep transitions. It was pure awesome in my book! I was a woman on the move, working my way smoothly around the many other riders, powering hard up the climbs, rounding the corners with finesse, and moving up the field quickly. I felt strong, powerful and determined. I was on a mission, and while I knew I wasn’t in the best position, I felt confident I could still achieve my goals. I stayed calm in my mind and focused. I received my first split at about mile two, and I was five minutes down to the lead amateur. Definitely a big gap, but I told myself it was attainable. By about mile 5, as we neared the end of the single track, I had moved up about 8 spots in the women’s field, and cut a minute-and-a-half out of that lead. Still a bit of ground to make up, but I really felt like I was on my way, and the day was really shaping up nicely.

… But then we hit the jeep road. I’m not sure where exactly things started to turn around for me, as it was sort of just a gradual progression backwards as time went on. I worked hard to keep my foot on the gas on the open roads, but it just wasn’t happening. My riding style most definitely favors more technical single track, variation in terrain and pitch and quick transitions, versus open roads with long consistent stretches of up, down and flat. This became readily apparent, as I’d felt like a rockstar on that first tough five-mile single track stretch, but just couldn’t make it happen out on the jeep roads. I really struggled with the downhills in particular, and lost a ton of time there. Again just being more used to single track and more varying terrain, I had a really hard time adapting to the concept of just letting it fly down the long, open, dusty descents. It was all about sheer speed, and I just didn’t have it!

I watched myself get passed and left in the dust on the downhills as other riders flew by, many teetering just over the line of control, but I was just too apprehensive to achieve the speed necessary to respond. I was still able to make up ground on the long climbs, often gaining a few spots back among women by the tops, but then we’d swap again on the downhills, making for a frustrating see-saw effect that ultimately saw me losing most of the spots I’d already gained in the earlier part of the race. By the end of the ride, I was pretty ready to be off my bike. I really had no idea where I stood among the women’s field, but I knew it was nowhere near where I’d wanted to be.

I headed into the run determined to give every last-ditch effort my body could produce and try to gain a few spots back, but unfortunately I knew I was really out of contention for the top-five overall amateur spot I was pushing for. But, it’s racing, and sometime you don’t end up where you want to be, and all you can do is do your best in that moment. My body really didn’t feel bad heading into the run, and I definitely believed I could make up some solid ground on this last leg, especially with a few women in sight just moments ahead. But, for some reason, I could not prove myself right. While I honestly felt like I was running alright and certainly fighting hard to leave it all out there, it just wasn’t happening for me. Not only was I unable to catch the few women just in front of me, but I actually lost a few more spots as a couple women passed me on the climbs, moving stunningly quick. I had no response, despite my best efforts.

It was a frustrating run to say the least. The course was painfully tough and much less fun than it had been in practice. I was acutely aware that I was failing to excel on the challenging terrain, but all I could do was push on. There were a couple moments when I caught myself starting to feel bummed out about how my day had turned out and where I was in the field, but I quickly reminded myself that the race was not over, my actions still very much mattered, and to snap out of it and keep fighting all the way in. I am glad I did, because somehow I found a finishing push in the last mile that I didn’t think I had in me. I finally made my one (female) pass on the run leg with about a half-mile to go, near the end of the final descent, just before the brutal finishing stretch across the sand of the beach. This lit an extra little flame for the finish, as I told myself I wanted that spot, and needed to hold on until the line. As it turns out, that last charge moved me into second place in my age group. Another reminder to always keep fighting.

All said and done, I finished the day 14th overall amateur and second in my age group, just a couple minutes out of the win. Needless to say, I fell short of my goals and expectations. But that’s the tough thing about racing is you can never really know what to expect on any given day. My body just didn’t have it that race day, as much as I had prepared for it. As is always the case on a tough day, it was a little frustrating and disappointing — particularly this time, as I’m just not really sure where things fell short. I had no major bonk or colossal body meltdown; no nutritional or equipment issues; no pacing issues… really, I felt okay all day. But just okay. I just couldn’t find that extra race-day gear and make it stick around, and the race just got away from me. Several other women were stronger than me on that day, and they turned in some really impressive performances.

But, while it was not my best day, I can say with confidence that I made the best of what it was. And in the end, for this reason, I do not feel bad about my race. Yes, I am a little disappointed that my body came up short of its potential on the big day. I am disappointed that personally I did not feel or perform my best, but I am not disappointed in my effort. On this particular day, I did all I was capable of. I knew this when I crossed that finish line, so I was able to leave Maui with my head held high. Do I think I could have done better on another day? Absolutely. But on this day, that was all I had. Most importantly, I did not give up. I fought hard, despite knowing I was coming up short. And I think this race was a really good reminder for me of just how important it is to do that, even on the days that are not-so-great. Because of that fight, I was still able to achieve what is certainly a very respectable result among a strong field of incredible female racers from around the world, and I am very grateful for that.

I am also grateful in that this race really helped give me a solid sense of what I need to work on going into next year. The good news is that there is lots of room for improvement! In particular, I know that the best athletes can figure out how to be successful on any course, and not just the ones that are particularly suited to them. I need to learn how to not lose my groove on a bike course simply because the terrain is not what I’m accustomed to. (Not to mention, how to go FASTER down the hills!). There’s lots of work to be done all around, but I am really fired up to do it, and looking so forward to what still lies ahead. My first Xterra World Championships, and my sixth Xterra race, is complete. It was a tough day, but I made it!

To all who sent messages, texts, and words of support, THANK YOU!! You guys are AWESOME! I absolutely channeled that positive energy and support while I was out there, and it really helped me to keep fighting. I feel so grateful to have had such an amazing network of people standing behind me throughout this season. My biggest and final race of the year was not my best, but I am ending my season with no regrets, and a very eager outlook for all that lies ahead.

Building Up, and Winding Down

So, my blog’s been a bit neglected lately, as I’ve been busy scrambling to keep my head above water with all of my work obligations. It’s a little overwhelming sometimes, but I just have to remind myself why it is I am doing what I’m doing, and that there’s a reason I continue to put so much on my plate. I keep reminding myself that I do love everything I am doing, and it is all a part of my path to be able to pursue triathlon at en even higher, more involved level. When I’ve gotten out for my bike/swim/run sessions this fall, I have continued to find so much joy and liberation there, and I feel totally reassured and fired up about my pursuits and efforts. Even as we near the end of October, after a race season that started on April 1, I am still loving it as much as ever — actually, more than ever. I’d say that’s a pretty good thing!

As I write this, however, I’m definitely living out a bit of a change of pace: poolside (under the shade, of course!) in Maui. This is not your typical vacation, however, but rather a “race-cation,” as I’m currently preparing for the Xterra World Championship, now just two days away here in Maui. This will be my final event of the season, and ultimately the “biggest,” or most important event. It will serve as the culmination of all my work this season, and I’ve definitely got my sights set on a big reward. I feel ready, excited, and confident about what I can do here. But, as with any race, there are so many factors that come in to play on race day, and you just never know what will be thrown at you and how it can impact your performance. All you can really do is be as prepared as possible and go out there and give it everything you’ve got. And that is just what I plan to do!

Although I qualified for Worlds way back in April with a strong performance at Xterra Vegas, I didn’t know for sure whether I’d be competing here until last month. Given the expenses of a trip to Maui, I wanted to be sure I could perform at a high enough level to justify the trip. Essentially, I wanted to feel confident that a top-five overall amateur performance here was possible for me, in addition to an Age Group World Championship title. Xterra National Championships in Utah was my “test.” Fortunately, I went into the race feeling awesome, and my performance did prove to me that my goals for Worlds are well within reach.

Xterra Nationals took place Sep. 22nd at Snowbasin Resort in Ogden, Utah. The setting was spectacular, with brilliant fall colors radiating from the hillsides like incredible eye candy for a lover of fall such as myself. It was absolutely beautiful! The bike course was challenging, with more than 3,000 feet of steady climbing, but conditions were perfect, and I thought the course was an absolute blast. It rode so well, and was pretty much about as well-suited to my abilities as I could have asked for, so I was stoked. I didn’t get a chance to check out the run course before the race, but had heard it was tough, and discovered just how true that statement was on race day.

Pre-race ride in Utah among the fall colors!

I knew it was going to be an “all-or-nothing” kind of day, and was pretty set in my mind beforehand that I was going to be gunning from the get-go on this one. I really wanted to do something special, exceeding even my own expectations, and somehow just really felt like I could. So, I was going for it. NO holding back. Whatever happened would happen, but I was determined to put it all out there. I absolutely made good on that resolution, and for that I couldn’t have been more pleased.

After a long, tough and aggressive swim that put me out of the water and through T2 in 16th place among amateurs and 24th overall female (32:02), I knew I definitely had some work to do. Remembering my approach for the day, I did not hesitate in getting after making up the time I’d lost in leg one. I knew there were plenty of women within striking distance, and I wanted to get back to the front of that field. As soon as I got on the bike, it was all “foot on the gas,” with no letting up. I pedaled hard all the way up the first few miles through Wheeler Canyon, and though I started to doubt myself a bit as I passed more and more women, including a few of the pros who’d started 30 seconds ahead, I told myself to just keep on pushing. Whenever I questioned myself, my confidence kept kicking in, and I reassured myself that I was feeling strong, and that I could keep moving up the field.

I was definitely riding harder than I have yet in an Xterra race, but I was also feeling stronger and better than ever too. I’m glad I listened to my body and kept my foot on the gas, because I think I really found a new level on the bike that I hadn’t tapped into before, but now know I can achieve thanks to a year of hard training and progression all coming together. By the end of the bike, I’d worked my way up to 6th place amateur, and about 13th place overall female. My bike/T2 split was 10th fastest among all females, and fourth fastest amateur, just a couple seconds behind third. I was definitely super happy with this, and think I am finally realizing my capabilities on the mountain bike, which seems to be quickly becoming my strongest leg.

The only (extremely) unfortunate thing about the bike leg was that I lost my water bottle just before the aid station about halfway through, and didn’t realize it until after I’d gone through the station without taking a feed. This turned out to be a MAJOR bummer, and a critical loss, as I rode the majority of the bike, including the most sustained climbs, with absolutely no liquid/electrolytes. It was a hot day, and I was desperately thirsty. I told myself to put it out of my mind and tough it out, and I did, but by the time I got to the run, otherwise poised to move into a top-five amateur position, I was already so dehydrated and depleted from having no electrolytes coming in, that I was in for a serious challenge ahead.

I grabbed my bottle of electrolytes in transition and ran with it, drinking as frequently as I could, but it was too little too late — the damage had already been done. When I left T2 I could see fifth place amateur just up ahead, about 45 seconds. Typically I would feel like this was a very attainable gap for me on the run, but with the state my body was in, I was much less confident. I reminded myself that I am a strong runner and everyone was hurting, and tried to focus on moving up little by little over the course. Feeling the way I was, the terrain was BRUTAL. The hills felt never-ending, and every little downhill and flat felt far too short to provide relief.

I was somehow closing the gap to fifth over the first few miles of sustained gradual climbing, but my body was totally, completely exhausted. I was downing liquid and putting down Shot Blocks like it was my job, desperately trying to replenish myself, but it didn’t seem to help. I was SERIOUSLY hurting, and the run was quickly turning into a major sufferfest!! There was nothing to do but keep fighting, and just try to hang on. I tried to stay focused, and was actually able to make the pass for fifth near the halfway point. I did everything I could to pull away, but my body just didn’t have it. On the next steep hill, I was reduced to a painful walk, and she pulled back in front, and got just enough of a gap that I would not be able to close.

In the last couple miles, I literally felt like I was hanging on for dear life. I could feel my body fading more and more, and it was all I could do to just keep moving. My body was so depleted at that point, I felt dizzy and lightheaded, and there were several times when I literally thought I was going to pass out and fall over. I was dreaming of an IV to rehyrdate myself. It was about as far from pretty as you can get. But somehow, I kept moving. I got passed by a couple of pro women who I’d been in front of, but I tried not to get too discouraged. My goal was just to hang on and make it to the finish as quickly as I could. I finally made it to the final mile, pretty much all downhill, and forced myself to find another gear and let my body go. I still had fifth place amateur in sight, but I just didn’t have the legs or energy to make the move to bridge the gap. She had hung tough, and done an awesome job.

National Champion, F25-29!

In the end, my run time was 53:52, 21st fastest overall female split, and 11th fastest amateur female split — definitely NOT the strong run split I am more accustomed to! But I was so relieved to make it to the finish, and looking back I was actually pretty amazed I’d made it through the run at all. I was totally out of energy, but I’d been running on pure desire. I wanted that top-five amateur finish so badly, and I was oh-so-close, but just out of reach. It was definitely a bit disappointing, especially because I felt confident it would have been a whole different ball game had I not lost my bottle on the bike, but that’s racing. I do believe I could have done better in Utah, and am eager to see just how much more potential there is. Nonetheless, even with the circumstances, I was actually really pleased with my performance. My final results for the Xterra National Championships: First place in my age group (25-29), earning a national title; sixth place overall amateur female, just 20 seconds out of the top-five; 16th place female overall (amateurs and pros); and 9th American. This was a solid day for sure, and I definitely felt like I proved to myself that I am strong and fit for the end of the season, and capable of results I have never achieved before. I found a whole new strength on the bike, a heightened competitive desire, and a continued tenacity to push through tough circumstances. This race was definitely enough to enable me to believe I have the potential to achieve my goals here at Worlds, and beyond — especially if everything goes right.

STUNNING views from the bike course!

So, here I am now, in Maui, ready to fight for an age group World Championship title, and a top-five overall amateur finish. It is a high goal for sure, but I truly believe it is within reach, and I am going to give absolutely everything I have in that effort on Sunday. I’ve had three days here now to check out the bike and run courses and do lots of ocean swimming, and I am feeling good! The courses are incredibly challenging, and I will head into Sunday keeping that in mind. It is very hot and humid here for me, so that will definitely present a challenge in itself (especially since it was snowing when I left home!), and it will be all that much more important to make sure everything goes right with nutrition/hydration. It’s not going to be an easy day, but I am ready, and I am excited. This is it — one last hoorah before a whole new year of training, and a whole new set of goals, commences. Anything can happen on Sunday, but what I do know for sure is I’m going to leave it all out there, have as much fun as I can, and end this year with no regrets.

Folsom Olympic and Xterra Lake Tahoe

After Vineman, I was (mostly) around Tahoe for the month of August. After quite a bit of traveling this summer and the majority of weekends away, it has really been nice to spend some quality time at home playing in the sun, catching up with friends, and of course catching up on work! It’s also been a month of focusing on training, putting in some big hours and hard workouts, getting ready for some bigger races this fall. A building month. And an extremely busy one at that! Nonetheless, it’s been fun! Thanks to all who have shared some quality time at home with me these past few weeks. I’m so glad I got some extended time to enjoy all of the wonders that make up a Tahoe summer: epic rides and trail runs, refreshing lake/river dips, incredible evening sunset swims… the list goes on. I am so grateful to live in such an incredible place, and be surrounded by so many amazing, special people. Truckee/Tahoe are truly a part of who I am, and I feel extremely fortunate to be able to call this place my home.

But while I had no major events on the calendar last month, I was still able to do a couple of great nearby races: the Folsom Olympic Triathlon on Aug. 19th, and Xterra Lake Tahoe on Aug. 25th. Though I was “training through” both of these races and didn’t exactly know what to expect of myself, both went surprisingly well! With two top-five OA performances among some really tough competition, and one new road PR, it was a challenging but satisfying couple weekends of racing!

Folsom Olympic Triathlon

I was super excited to get to race another Olympic distance race, as July was primarily focused on going long, and my last Oly experience at Boulder Peak didn’t exactly go as planned. Racing Olympic is always such a fun experience for me. It’s all about going “full throttle,” pushing to — and often beyond — the limit, and just going FAST! I love it! Plus, this is the distance I’ve been primarily focusing on training for this year, working on speed and threshold training. Basically, much of my training has been about trying to make it hurt as much as possible and learning how to push through it! Fun stuff!! Anyway, I love this distance, I love the unique challenges it brings (so different from a 70.3 or 140.6, with their own respective challenges and rewards), and, in that twisted sense that only an athlete can understand, I love that feeling of going totally outside my comfort zone — but knowing that, unlike in longer distance racing, it will all be over soon if you can just hang on!

I was definitely reminded of this feeling in full at the Folsom Oly! Coming in to the race, I didn’t know the course or any of the other women racing (but knew there would definitely be some FAST ladies out there!), so my approach to the race was just looking at it as another chance to really lay it all out there, and ultimately just to see how much I could really push after a solid hard training block. I also seriously wanted a new Oly-distance PR, and more particularly a sub-2:20 time — so there could be no holding back; It was all about fighting for every second!

So one semi-frantic transition set-up later (after a bit of a debacle with the driving directions following a 4:15 a.m. departure from home), it was wetsuit on and into the pristine water of Lake Natomas. The 7 a.m. start made for an absolutely gorgeous morning setting and (thankfully!!) cooler temperatures, but it also meant that the sun was literally a giant, BLINDING fireball in the sky! As we lined up at the start, I could not see the first buoy at all (and we all know I have some issues with navigation even when I can see the buoys), but I knew the general direction I needed to head, so I just reminded myself that everyone was in the same boat and I could only tackle it as best as I could. I put my head down and off I went!

I quickly got confirmation that, yep, it was extremely hard to see where I was going. So I decided to just keep on “flying blind”, and employed the semi-genius/not-always-reliable strategy of letting others do my sighting for me. I tried to stay as close to other swimmers as possible and just focus on my strokes and my speed. I watched the other swimmers as I took my breaths, and anytime any one pulled up to really get a good sight at the buoy, I told myself “Bingo! She knows where she’s going now!”, and took aim to follow. Probably not the most reliable strategy, but since I still could see virtually nothing on my own, I decided to just swim hard and take my chances. Luckily, it panned out pretty well (thanks ladies for guiding me along!), and I made it to the first buoy without any major course deviation! Stoked! From there it was a little easier, as we were no longer headed directly into the fireball. I kept plugging away, trying to keep some of the other fast female swimmers in sight and within striking distance.

I got out of the water in 25:11. Once again, a good start, but nothing great. Still working on the issue of lackluster swimming this season, I guess. I was not out of contention for a PR or sub-2:20, but I hadn’t done myself any big favors, either. I also quickly realized I hadn’t done myself any favors with my hasty transition spot selection either. I failed to look around carefully at the transition setup, and as a result I ended up doing a considerable amount of extra running getting in and out of my spot. Rookie mistake, but hey, you live and you learn! It was onto the bike and back on the gas.

I had no idea where the bike course went, which was actually kind of fun, but I figured out pretty quickly that it was more challenging than I was expecting. Lots of good rollers and some pretty steep hills near the middle made for some tough pedaling. Fortunately, though, it was mostly up on the way out, and mostly down on the way back, so I just tried to maintain as much speed as I could on my way out and then hammer the back half and enjoy the ride! I could never really tell exactly where I was against the field, especially with an elite wave out there as well, but I knew was up there. There were also two separate turn-around sections on the course where I could see some ladies hot on my tail and looking super strong, so this really kept me moving! I pedaled hard and fast all the way in, thinking of the seconds ticking by and knowing I had some serious work to do after my slow transition and just-okay swim. Clocked in at 1:08:42 on the bike, a great time for me!

I went through T2 as quickly as I knew how, trying to hang on to every second I could muster. I knew it had to be all or nothing on the run, and I was really hoping for something special here. Knowing I am in a really good place right now with my running, I was confident I could go fast, but not sure exactly how fast, as I hadn’t had a chance to test my speed for quite a while! I was gunning for a new run PR, and really eager to do something extraordinary on this last leg. I took off charging hard and was surprised at the speed I had in my legs given my lack of fast training coming in. I felt good, so I decided to roll with it as long as I could. I ran hard and held nothing back. I turned my legs over as quick as I could, and when they started to get tired, I just kept pushing. I was turning in sub-7′s and I was determined to keep it going as long as possible, but it was NOT easy, and my body was screaming at me to let up.

Just after the turnaround one of the hard-chasing ladies passed me, and holy moly was she flying! I was inspired by her speed and apparent ease, and though I knew I couldn’t go with her, I tried to pick it up, match her stride and just keep her in sight as long as possible, like a moving target pushing me forward. I held strong for about another mile and a half, and then the hurt REALLY started to set in, and I dropped the ball a bit, turning in a 7:08 at mile 5. Bummer! I fought back with everything I had to get to the line and brought the pace back down, but just not quite enough.

I ended up finishing at 2:20:12, just shy of my sub-2:20 goal! A bummer to have such a near-miss, especially with the needless extra time in transition, but I was still super stoked on the PR (previous was a 2:21:50), and I knew I’d given everything I had. In the end, that’s all you can ask for! Run leg was a 43:32, so no spectacular new PR, but good for my second-best all-time run split, so not too shabby! Still working to get this leg down in the 40-minute-range though! I finished the day as 5th place OA among some super fast company, and took home the 25-29 AG win. All in all, it was a good day! I pushed hard, left it all out there, had fun (the most important), and came home with a PR in the back pocket. Good stuff!

Xterra Lake Tahoe

Views from the Tahoe Rim Trail and Flume Trail cannot be beat!

After Folsom is was time to get back into mountain bike mode, with Xterra Lake Tahoe just six days later, and some much bigger Xterra races shortly down the road. This was totally fine by me, as I’d spent so much time on the road through July and early August, I was eager to get back out onto the trails for some fun! The riding has totally delivered, and I’ve been able to do some old favorites, completely new trails, solo rides and rides with friends, fast ride and easy rides… It’s been a blast!

Pre-race ride views! Race day was just as gorgeous!

Xterra LT brought a seriously nice day: gorgeous blue skies and sunshine, but not too hot! Thank you, weather Gods. As you might have guessed, we started with a swim in the big blue of Tahoe, and man, was it awesome!! Even though I live just 20 minutes away from the lake and do visit it semi-frequently, I’m still amazed every time I jump in! The water is so fresh and clear! Its always nice doing a swim where you can actually see the bottom — let alone anything in front of you! This was a 2*750m lap race, so we did one lap, exited for a short beach run, and then hopped back in for another. I knew I’d probably need as much help as I could get heading into this bike leg, so I tried to really leave it all out there on the swim. I felt like I’d done that, but my time and standing didn’t really show it. I exited the water in the high-26-minute range (one of my slower swims this year), and in fourth place among females (though at the time I was totally unsure where I stood against the field).

After a loooong run back up to transition, I was headed off on what I knew would be the toughest leg of the day. The bike course at Xterra LT is no joke, with some seriously tough, steep and LONG climbing sections, and some pretty technical descents spread out on a 22-mile loop. I had ridden most of the course before, including a good portion the day prior to the race, but there was also a section I had never been on. I got passed by one female pretty quickly, and she was absolutely ripping! (I would come to find out this was Shayna Powless, an 18-year-old who seriously rocks! So does her 15-year-old brother, Nielson, who won the entire event!). I tried not to get too discouraged and just focus on me. The course leads quickly into a hard three-mile climb up “Tunnel Creek,” which is mostly loose sand, and a range of fairly steep, not-as-steep, and holy-moly-this-is-steep pitches. I was definitely expecting it to be tough, and it was — though not quite the doozy I was imagining after literally crawling up it at a snail’s pace the day before. I was pleasantly surprised to learn it didn’t feel near as long on race day. Nonetheless, I was happy to see the top!

From there it is on to the famous Flume Trail, an exposed trail that runs alongside a ridge and provides insanely epic views of Lake Tahoe. Normally I’m a huge sucker for the scenery, riding slowly to peep all the views, and stopping to ham it up for tourist-style photos. But, this was race day, so I tried to keep the pace up! Not to mention, the trail gets pretty narrow in a few places, and you wouldn’t want to get caught looking the wrong direction… it’s a long fall down to the lake! I still was not as fast I’d have liked to have been, probably a combination of me being a bit nervous about the exposure at a higher speed than I’m used to and the fact that I’m just not that great (yet!) at maintaining high speed on the flats off-road. I definitely lost a little time, and got caught by two women at the end of this section.

SUCH a cool trail!

Marlette Lake

I stuck on like glue, and the three of us were battling it out as we made our way up the next seriously steep climb out from Marlette Lake up onto the Tahoe Rim Trail. We were all fighting hard, and you could definitely sense the intensity and desire from each of us. It was a tough scene, but pretty fun too! Personally, I was giving everything I could to try to hang with these ladies, as I knew at that point we were among the top six or so, and I felt really confident I could gain time on the run even with tired legs, but would need to make sure I stayed in the hunt off the bike. Soon another competitor, my friend and an incredible rider, Julie Young, passed by us. I decided to try to go with her, as I knew she could still gain a ton of ground in these last 8-or-so miles — easily too much for me to reel in on the run — if I didn’t respond. I couldn’t quite stay on her super speedy wheel, but I pushed myself to maintain visual contact. I was able to drop one of the other gals this way, but one was still hanging on.

Then we hit the downhill section. Wow, was I unprepared for that! The trail was incredibly technical, with some seriously gnarly sections (big drops, some super sharp rocks and some really tough turns), which I was not fully expecting, as it was the one section I’d never ridden before. I was basically holding on for dear life, and almost took about five serious diggers. I fully lost contact with Julie and the other rider, who had passed me back pretty quickly on the descent, but I just focused on getting through it, and then doing all I could in the last few miles heading into the run to not loose anymore ground.

I headed onto the run in seventh place, but I wasn’t really sure at the time where I was, as there were a few women who got out ahead during the swim, and I never saw them again. I actually thought I was doing better than I was in terms of standings, which may have been a good thing, because in my head I thought I was digging for a podium finish, so perhaps this made me fight even a little bit harder. But who knows — in the moment, I’d like to think we all just give it everything we’ve got no matter where we are. Anywho, my legs felt decently strong, but I didn’t feel like they had much speed in them. I just tried to focus on running a smart, consistent race, and not trying to catch anyone too quickly and blow up! The two-lap course was really cool and wild-feeling, winding around tons of trees and crossing several small streams. It was relatively flat, with just some small ups-and-downs, but the many corners and constant transitioning made the pace a little slower. My body was definitely starting to feel tired from the tough bike and overall effort of the day as I entered the third mile, but right about the same time I saw another woman up ahead. I put my head down, and told myself to focus.

I made the pass and tried to put in as much of a burst as I could muster to get away, and soon found myself ready to make another pass, as we headed into lap two. I told myself to be smart, and took my time with making a move. I wanted to make sure it would be decisive. After I went around it was all about just hanging on as best I could for the final couple of miles. I thought I might have moved myself into a podium position, but really wasn’t sure. At that point, it was all about getting to the finish. I was keeping up the pace alright, but I was definitely tired, and ready to be done! It had been a long, hard day! Fortunately, I made my way across the line before getting totally fatigued, and was able to finish strong.

In the end, I ended up placing fifth overall. I didn’t know until afterward that there were two women just a couple minutes in front of me, but I’d like to think that didn’t matter because I was giving all I could anyway. It’s always easy to question yourself afterward, even though during the race you feel like you can’t find another single second. At any rate, I was really pleased with this performance, and had a fantastic experience at Xterra Lake Tahoe. It was a tough day for sure, but it was also super fun! Sometimes the most challenging courses are also the most epic, and in this case that was definitely true. Big thanks to Big Blue Adventures for putting on an awesome event! Next up: Xterra Nationals in Utah!

Vineman 140.6: And It All Comes Together!

So I was hoping for a “still-on-Cloud-9″ race report that would really capture just how special the day of Vineman 140.6 ended up being for me… but since here we are more than three weeks down the road, that’s probably not going to happen. Nonetheless, since I’ve been fully buried in the depths of “real life” these past few weeks and bogged down with loads and loads of work, it’s certainly nice to take a few moments to go back in my memory bank and relive the triumph and happiness of July 28th. So, here’s a (very late) recap for you all of a day that (finally!) truly met all of my expectations, and will certainly be remembered as a highlight of my 2012 season.

For starters, let me say that I headed into Vineman 140.6 not entirely sure what to expect. Frankly, this particular race — and more importantly this distance — was not a major focus of my season, and until just a few weeks beforehand it was pretty much on the backburner in terms of priorities. So I didn’t feel entirely prepared coming in, as I hadn’t really been training specifically for the distance. However, I’d felt really great in the 70.3 just a couple weeks before (despite the bike issue!), so I actually headed into the full with a lot of confidence. I’ve been working quite a bit on speed this year as I’ve focused on shorter distances, and I really did believe this would carry over to a faster 140.6. I was also able to get in a few key overdistance sessions in the few weeks leading into the race, and even a bit of a taper towards the end.

So, while the lead-in was certainly not perfect, I was about as prepared as I could have hoped to be, and most of all was feeling good, and super excited for the race! (You can read more about my mental approach to Ironman racing here). I told myself there would be no pressure at this race, and it was really just a chance for me to get out there and make the most of my only attempt at 140.6 for this season. I wanted a PR, and a sub-11, and felt like these were certainly attainable goals, but honestly my priority was to have a fun, positive experience and to really take it all in! I headed in feeling confident and relaxed, but eager for a strong performance, which turned out to be a great combination!

The trip down was a bit of a scramble and I didn’t get to Sonoma County nearly as early as I would have liked, or have near as much “relaxation” time as I was hoping for. But, I got everything into T2 ay-okay, made the pre-race meeting, and even got in a little pre-race ride before dinner and a not-so-early night in bed. I was fortunate enough to have my parents come with me on this trip, and they arranged for us to stay in an AWESOME campground super close to the race start in Guerneville, which worked out incredibly well. I have to say I was a bit nervous about it, but we ended up with a fantastic set-up, and I would definitely do it again. Not to mention, just having my parents’ support throughout the weekend was AMAZING, and I am so grateful they could be there! THANKS GUYS!

After a semi-sleepless night (it’s always hard to rest well when you know you have to get up in just a few short hours for a VERY long day!), I woke up to a still-very-dark sky, but I was totally stoked to get this day going! I had a good feeling already about what was lying ahead, which is always a good sign! I was feeling a unique combination of psyched-up, focused, but also relaxed and confident. I told myself it was going to be a good day. I was going to make sure it was. Because something inside me just felt, well, special.

After a very crowded T1 set up, it was off to the water for leg #1. As I’ve mentioned before, I absolutely LOVE swimming in the Russian River, and this race was again no exception. The water felt amazing! As is always the case in Ironman, the swim felt LONG, but I just tried to stay really focused on my strokes, swimming strong and smooth, and staying consistent with my effort. Especially over such a long distance, I can tend to lose focus a bit and find myself kinda lolly-gagging it. I knew that even over the course of the 2.4 miles, I really needed to be conscious about keeping my foot on the gas. So that is what I tried to do! Much of the time I felt like I was doing more people-dodging than swimming, as there were masses of swimmers crowded along the course, but I was actually pretty successful here, and don’t feel like I used a ton of extra energy getting around the crowds, or let myself get too frantic. I tried to start the day off right by taking it all in stride, as is necessary in an Ironman.

I exited the water in 1:06:15. A solid start to the day, though a few minutes slower than my 2011 Vineman swim time. Still, I was happy with the effort (my second-fastest Ironman swim time), and it was on to the bike, where I knew I could definitely turn in a big PR if all went well. The bike is the longest segment of the race and it can definitely start to feel that way, so my goal was to really try to stay focused, stay positive, and enjoy my time out there. And for the most part, that is what I did! I knew I had to push it pretty hard on this leg, as I really needed to turn in a good time if I wanted that sub-11 hour finish. Not to mention, there were some seriously FAST women out there, and I knew my bike would be my weakest link compared to some of them. So, I gave it everything I had, channeling the leg speed I’ve been working to improve all season, focusing on staying strong and efficient, and really working to stay on track with my nutrition plan. I was definitely also keeping my fingers crossed that I would not run into any bike issues — especially as I saw a few people on the roadsides fixing flats!

I turned in a really solid, quick (for me anyway!) first lap, coming through at about 2:50. That put me on pace for a 5:40 ride, which would have been absolutely stellar, but I knew it would be tough to hold that, so I considered that I had a little bit of wiggle room to reach my finish-time goal. This turned out to be a good thing, as I had a nice little 15-mile-or-so stretch where I really lost my focus and found myself just sort of “riding along,” instead of focusing on keeping up the speed. This is surprisingly easy to do on this bike course, as it goes past acres of vineyards, over rivers, through rolling wine country hills, and is basically just insanely beautiful (not to mention FUN!). Luckily I came back to reality and realized that this was in fact a race, and I needed to get my bum going! I continued to take in the scenery and try and enjoy the rolling terrain of the course, but with a little more urgency and a lot more focus, and was able to pick the pace up considerably over the last 30 miles. As always, I was eager to get off my bike by the end, but I came into T2 feeling surprisingly strong, super happy with my bike leg, and actually really enjoying myself! Finished the bike leg in 5:50:11 — a new PR, and almost 17 minutes faster than last year! (Not to mention, I made it through the 112 miles with NO bike issues – HUGE sigh of relief!)

I was also incredibly pleased to see that as I exited T2, total race time on my watch read 7:04. The day was totally going my way, and I was just about exactly where I needed to be to achieve my goal heading into the run. I was psyched! I needed to run just under a 3:56 to break the 11-hour mark, and I knew this was totally doable for me at my current fitness level, so I couldn’t help but head into the run with a smile on my face for the way things were going, and brimming with confidence. Nonetheless, 26.2 miles is a long way to run, and I knew in the back of my mind that you never know what can happen over that many miles, so I told myself to stay focused. I also knew that my previous Ironman marathon PR was 4 hours, and though I felt confident I could run a 3:45 given my improvements this season, I’d certainly still have to work hard — and not let anything go wrong — to hit the mark I was seeking. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew I could do it. I knew I was going to do it. Because I was determined to let nothing stand in my way.

I went through the first few miles with a strength in my legs that honestly surprised me, and more importantly, an exceptional positivity, confidence and calmness in my mind. I was totally focused on the task at hand, and felt more present and “in-the-moment” than I ever have in a race of this distance and magnitude. I was totally, acutely aware of exactly what I was doing at each moment, how I was feeling, and just how much I was actually enjoying myself! I was taking it all in; soaking up the sights, sounds and feelings of the race course and my fellow competitors, and truly thriving off of them. I took it one mile at a time, step-by-step, and while I knew that my feeling great could so easily end at any minute, I didn’t focus on that, but instead just enjoyed the feeling of the moment. I told myself that I could maintain; that I could do this. I felt empowered like never before.

The Vineman run is a three-loop, out-and-back course, so if you’re mindset is not in the right place, it can definitely turn into a sufferfest. But luckily for me, on this day, I found it quite enjoyable. It really helped me to break the run down into manageable segments, and I really enjoyed being able to see people so often, not to mention hit up the aid stations just about every mile. I got to see my parents twice on every lap, which was something I found myself really looking forward to, and always gave me that extra little kick. The volunteers were also totally awesome, full of cheers, smiles and enthusiasm. I also loved seeing a friend and former coach, Jeff, out on the course each lap, and sharing words of encouragement with one another. As surprising as it may seem, I totally caught myself smiling throughout much of this run. I smiled back at all the volunteers and made sure to say thank you; I smiled at my fellow competitors and cheered them on; I smiled HUGELY at my parents and gave them waves and thumbs up as I passed. Even though I was in the middle of a 26-mile run on a hot afternoon, and a 140.6-mile endeavor, I literally could not stop smiling. It was like I found this great place in my mind that I’ve never quite attained before, and I was just enjoying the experience so much. And just like a circle of negativity can destroy a race, finding this positive place in my mind was totally fueling me, so I focused on staying there, continued to smile more and more, and kept on feeling strong!

In the meantime, however, I did try to go outside my own little box of focus and start paying attention to what was happening with my fellow competitors. This was, afterall, a race! I knew I was definitely in the top-10 coming off of the bike, and that I could certainly move up on the run, but I was never totally sure where I was at in terms of results, and it really wasn’t my biggest concern. However, once I started to sense that I had moved up several spots, I decided I should try to figure out just where I was among the group. There were lead-out bikes for the top two women, but none after that, and with the multi-lap course and the fact that there were two separate women’s waves, and I’d started in the first, it was not easy to know exactly how I was stacking up. But I knew my goal of finishing top-5 was likely very well in reach, so I just told myself to keep pushing!

As I headed into the final lap, still smiling but much less effortlessly now, I did a little check-in with my parents, and they said they thought I was in third or fourth, but weren’t sure! I was definitely eyeing a podium spot, and I wanted it! I did think that I was in fact into third place by that point, but I was not totally confident based on the wave start scenario. This was very exciting for me, but I knew that if I gave it too much thought and focus, I might start to overwhelm myself a little bit or start to feel a sense of pressure. So I just continued to focus on me; on my own race; and on my watch. What I wanted most was that sub-11, and I knew that if I could stay focused and stay strong, I could do it. And if I could do that, I knew, I would be in there for a great result!

The last lap, of course, it also where things can really start to hurt. The distance starts to set in, the heat is kicking up, and the fatigue comes in at full-force. I started to notice that I was certainly not as comfortable as I had been, but I worked to stay in the “happy place” in my mind. I knew that if I could do that, I would be okay; I would make it through. I had a little bit of a cushion in terms of time, so I just focused on making it through one mile at a time at a consistent pace, even if it was a little bit slower now. The negative thoughts came knocking at my door, but somehow I was able to push them away. I stayed calm and strong in my mind, and maintained a total sense of belief in myself. I continued to thrive off of the atmosphere around me, stay in the moment, and just be fueled by acknowledging what all I was achieving at those very moments, even as tough as they were. I focused on how special the day was, and thought about how great it was going to feel when I crossed that line; how great it felt now, despite the pain, knowing that I was there, doing exactly what I was! I was hurting, but I continued to smile, and I continued to push, knowing I was oh-so-close.

And before I knew it, I’d rounded the final turn for home, and was on my way back out for the final time. Just a few more miles now. The excitement and confidence knowing that I was going to reach my goal totally kicked in, and I was actually able to pick up the pace those last couple miles. As strange as it may sound at the end of an Ironman, I truly felt there was no place I’d rather be than in that moment, knowing I was on my way to my own personal victory. I passed my parents one last time, flashing a triumphant wave and smile, and kicked it up a notch as I headed into the finishing chute. That’s when I heard the announcer say, “Here comes our third place woman…”, and for the first time all day, I knew for sure I had earned myself a podium spot, and a sub-11 finish. I was absolutely beside-myself-ecstatic. In fact, I was so overcome with emotion as I crossed the line, HUGE smile plastered across my face, that I did have to cry a little bit. A few tears of pure, on-top-of-the-world happiness. I couldn’t believe that everything had finally come together, and that I had done it! It was truly a moment to be remembered, and treasured, forever.

All smiles final steps to the finish!

All said and done, I finished the day in 10:54:58, a new PR by about 25 minutes, and with a 3:50:49 marathon time. I was the third place woman overall, and first place in my age group. The day truly exceeded my expectations, the experience was unbelievably positive, and I am incredibly grateful for the amazing support from my parents, Unleashed Coaching (felt awesome thanks to the perfect training plan!), LUNA (got SO many “Go LUNA” cheers out there on the course!), Paco’s Bike and Ski (my bike was all tuned up and ready to rock!), my fellow competitors out there on the course, and of course to the INCREDIBLE Vineman staff and volunteers, who totally kept me going strong out there, and kept me smiling! THANK YOU!! (Read more about just how important I think these volunteers are here). And now, to start working on that sub-10:30…

Vineman 70.3: the Challenges Continue!

Well, I guess the theme of my season is turning out to be perseverance. Last weekend I took on the Vineman 70.3 in Windsor, Calif., and the challenges continued.

Vineman 70.3 is an extremely competitive race, with an incredible pro field every year and an unbelievably talented amateur showing. This race was not on my original schedule, but after getting in just a few weeks out off of the waitlist (this thing sold out in about five minutes or something crazy like that!!), I decided I could not pass up the opportunity to race here, and altered my schedule so that I could be there. It has been a big priority of mine to really step up this year in terms of racing against top-notch competitors, and do everything I can to get myself on a “bigger stage,” so to speak, as often as possible. This was definitely one of the best opportunities I was going to get to race against some seriously fast women, in an awesome venue that is close to home. I was psyched to be able to take part!

After Boulder Peak, I knew I was primed and ready for a great race, despite my streak of “bad luck” and disappointment. Additionally, I have yet to really turn in a solid performance in a 70.3 with a few tries under my belt, and I really do feel like this is a distance I have the potential to excel in, so I was super eager to have a good race! My goal was to turn in a sub-5:10 performance (though secretly I was really pushing for a sub-5… a goal I’ve had in the back of my mind since I first attempted 70.3 a few years ago). I knew I could do this, but that I’d have to have a really great day where everything went my way. The goal was definitely within reach, but I’d have to be on my tippie-toes, outstretched!

After an incredible two nights at my homestay in Forrestville (booked through AirBnB – if you haven’t checked ‘em out, DO IT!), I felt totally relaxed, prepped and ready for Saturday’s race. I got my T2 all set up on Friday at Windsor High School, made sure my bike was set and ready to go, laid out all my LUNA / Clif products for the day ahead, put my feet up in the hammock for a bit, and slept like a baby. Come race morning, I was calm, collected, and totally focused on my mission to have a great race. I knew the competition would be incredibly stiff here (probably the toughest I’ve ever faced), so I geared my focus toward my own race, and achieving my own goals.

After squeezing everything into the packed transition area, I was into the Russian River with a whole bunch of other orange-capped ladies looking strong, fit and fierce! The Vineman swim is about as great as they come. The water is seriously perfect (not too hot, not too cold, and fresh!), and the course is straight up the river, around the turn-around, and straight back down (which is a big help for me and my frequent navigational challenges). I was really looking forward to a nice relaxed — but hopefully fast! — swim. But once that gun went off and all of us determined ladies in the 29-and-under wave took off, it was like one of those imaginary African safari animal fight scenes from Mean Girls (come on, you know you’ve seen it). Perhaps the most aggressive swim start I’ve ever been a part of, and there were no men involved. These ladies were seriously getting after it! I was a little stressed, as aggressiveness is not really my gig, but I knew I had to stay in there and just work my way through it as calmly as possible. Eventually we got spread out and everyone found their place in line, and I made it out with only a few elbows to the face and a coupla good kicks to the body, but still had my goggles on and wits about me.

Overall, I was quite pleased with the swim, and I remember having a very clear moment at some point where I really thought “I am enjoying this! This feels good!” As usual, I focused on swimming smooth and staying efficient, working on a long glide, good ‘roll,’ steady kick and smooth pull. (In all honesty, my new super-secret game plan is that ever since watching the Olympic trials a few weeks ago, I just try to picture myself as one of those insanely fast swimmers in my head, mimicking their motions… seems to work out okay — even if I’m only going one-third of the pace!). I could see a few other orange-capped ladies around me, and pushed myself against them, but really had no idea how I was doing in the grand scheme of things. I just focused on finishing hard and concentrating on my strokes. I got out of the water in just over 30 minutes. Certainly nothing stellar, and I’d have loved to be a sub-29, but a pretty solid swim in all. Didn’t have much time to dwell on it though, as I was quickly into transition and trying to get all my belongings loaded into the gear drop bag, and get ready to head out on my bike as fast as I could.

One very slow transition later I was off on my much faster Specialized Transition and feeling the wind on my face. I felt especially psyched to be on my bike, and was really looking forward to a super fun, beautiful — albeit hard — ride through wine country. My game plan was pretty much that I was going to give this bike everything I had and see what I could really do with it. I got into the groove pretty quickly, and was already passing several people over the first few miles. I was settling right in to a fast pace, and feeling like I was on my way to something special. Until, at mile 5, it was quickly determined that nope, today was not in fact my day for glory, as much as it may have felt like it. Consumed by ‘power mode’ and cranking hard on my pedals in the big ring, I made the TOTAL rookie mistake of trying to downshift much too quickly, and with much too much force, on the first steep uphill. Off went the chain, and when I tried to shift back up to bring it back, I was quickly disheartened to learn that it had fallen all the way off into never-to-return land, TOTALLY JAMMED between the small chain ring and the bike frame.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I mean REALLY?! I guess I need to have a word with, or some kind of sacrifice to, the karma Gods, because I really didn’t think I could have a major bike issue two weeks in a row. Apparently they want to test my willpower… Anyhow, I pulled over and started my desperate and frankly pathetic attempt to get the chain unjammed. For a while I was able to avoid panic mode/total breakdown even as I watched dozens of riders whiz past me. This had happened to me only once before, during a training ride, and it took almost an hour to remedy (and I was NOT the one who fixed it!). I knew I was likely doomed, but kept trying everything I could to remove the chain. Seemed like with every move I made, though, the thing just got more stuck. I did not want to give up. But finally, after about 15 minutes, the (minor) breakdown commenced, and I started to cry (just a little bit! I felt totally helpless, and eventually I came to the harsh realization that I wasn’t going to be able to finish the race, for the first time in my life. I didn’t want to let this one go, but it seemed inevitable. There was a cop car very nearby where another gal was waiting for the ‘sag wagon,’ so, still crying (just a bit!), I started slowly walking my bike their way to wait alongside. I couldn’t believe I was facing my first ever DNF.

When I got to the car, I was greeted with smiles by the cop and the other competitor, who was totally cheerful despite her broken derailleur. I worked on trying to turn my frown upside down so I wasn’t the total sourpuss of the group, even though I was honestly feeling very sorry for myself. After chatting with them a bit, we decided I should have another go at my bike (since, after all, we’d be waiting there a while, so might as well keep trying!) and, believe it or not, got the chain out!! Hallelujah!!! I couldn’t believe it. “Welp, guess you’re back on your way,” the gal said, causing me to realize that, shoot, I was, in fact, back on my way! After totally switching to DNF mode, I had to do a quick mental turn-around to get myself back in the race. I had lost a whopping 28 minutes on the side of the road, and spent none of it shaking out my legs or bothering to have a gel or water. But I decided I was going to get back on my bike and finish this thing (since I’d been lucky enough to be given the chance, and I really didn’t want to accept my first DNF just yet — though I know I’ll probably have to eventually), and I was going to do it as fast as I possibly could, even if I was totally off the back of the pack.

Once I got back on the bike, MAJOR ‘warrior mode’ kicked in like you wouldn’t believe, and I was seriously moving!! I literally felt like I had someone else’s legs under me — those things were RAGING! I knew I really had nothing to lose, so I’d made the decision to leave EVERYTHING out there and pretty much just hammer as hard as I could and see what happened. As it turns out, ‘warrior mode’ is an incredible thing (again picture epic Mean Girls safari scene here!), as I was so frustrated, so determined and my mind so stone-cold focused on going fast and getting some form of redemption that I literally didn’t think about how I was feeling. There was only one aim: Go fast. I don’t think my brain could even conceptualize pain. (Note to self: I need to figure out how to re-obtain ‘warrior mode’ without first gong through major mechanical error. Because, other than the preceding issue, it was AWESOME!!) The bike course seemed to fly by, and seemed so much easier than it had in past years when I’d written it for the 140.6 race. I was making my way back up through the pack, and I was totally fired up! I was determined to redeem myself as best I could.

The internal warrior started to fade a bit towards the end and my legs started to feel the effects of the 56-mile ride, but before I knew it I was into T2 (after a 3:10 bike split that should have been closer to 2:40), and headed off for the run. Now this was truly my territory! I felt surprisingly strong over the first several miles, running smooth and turning in some solid splits. By about mile 6, the heat started to get to me, and I stopped having quite as much fun. But I was able to push through really well, and just kept on running, trying hard not to let my pace drop off. I was able to hold on pretty dang well, as we weaved through a local winery and back onto the road for the final couple of miles. I was definitely relieved to see the finish line, but was still able to put in a strong final kick. Turned in a 1:41 run, which I was pretty pleased with, all things considered. I’d love to get this down into the sub-1:35 range, and believe I can, but I know this will come with time. Overall, I felt strong, I ran well, and my legs felt surprisingly okay after the 13.1-mile loop. I hope this is a good sign that I am in fact getting stronger, and will hold up around in my upcoming 140.6!

All said and done, I finished the race at 5:27:50. Take away the 28 minute stop-over and I’d have had my sub-5 hour day. Brutally bittersweet realization. It hurts to know I could have — no, should have — been there, but wasn’t. But on the other hand, at least now I know that I can be! This is what I need to focus on. After the race was over, I maintained composure, and even felt pretty pleased with myself, for some time… Until I called my parents. Then I threw myself a little pity-party, complete with minor sobbing, on the phone. They were sympathetic, but encouraged me to focus on the positives and the fact that I “made a huge comeback.” I listened, and genuinely tried to do this. Was still feeling sorry for myself, however, until Coach Aug got on the phone: no sympathy there, and NO tolerance for the pity party! I was reminded that “that’s racing;” “it happens;” “you just have to learn how to deal with it;” and basically to SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP, and MOVE ON! What’s done is done, he said, and reminded me of the same rule I tell my skiers: go ahead and dwell on it now — get it all out. But by the time you leave the venue, put it behind you, and move on. So that is what I set out to do.

Turns out the tough love was just what I needed, and when I realized that I was being absurdly overdramatic, it was remarkably easy for me to put the race in my back pocket and start thinking about moving forward. Sure, I was still bummed. But I realized it was not the end of the world, and that, while it would have been great if it had been today, I would have plenty of other chances for my shot at glory. I now know the sub-5 can be obtained, so next time, perhaps it will have to be a sub-4:55! Not to mention, when I really thought about it, I was pretty fortunate compared to the gal with the broken derailleur, or another woman whom I saw being loaded up onto an ambulance along the way. I was able to finish my race, with maximum effort, and with pride. And while it wasn’t the day I’d envisioned, or the day I “could have had,” it was what it was. That’s all it ever can be.

Chalk another race up on the tally board: much gained, and many lessons learned. Moving ahead, as I’m trying to do, I know that my fitness is there, and my body and mind are more ready than ever when the ‘good day’ comes along. I have to trust in that, and push on with patience and determination. I am absolutely not about to give up, lose faith in my abilities, or change my goals. I am going to forge ahead, undeterred from the path, and fueled by the incredible network of people and sponsors supporting me along this unforgettable, incredible journey.